


Stones

by Addie_your_Queen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform, pls read it on wattpad if you can, ummm idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:41:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29978901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Addie_your_Queen/pseuds/Addie_your_Queen
Summary: He drops the stones in one by one, listening to the splash they make when they hit the water below. One by one they sink to the bottom, until the jar is empty.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you have Wattpad, please consider reading this on there. No worries if you can't though (:
> 
> I will put a warning at the beginning of every chapter, but I want to put it out there, it's going to be pretty trigger warning heavy, as that is what most of the plot is based on.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Mentions of self harm, briefly implied anorexia

Harry sighs, turning the stone over in his hand again, before finally dropping it in on top of the others. It made a satisfying sound as it knocked against the other stones in the jar. Harry let out another sigh as he screwed the lid back on the jar and placed it back on the shelf. 

He turns from the shelf and walks down the hall to go find Louis. 

"Hey, babe," Louis says looking up as Harry enters the room. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," Harry says collapsing on the bed.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just tired," Harry lied.

"You sure?" Louis asked. He could tell Harry was lying, but he didn't want to press any farther. Harry would tell him when he was ready.

"Yeah," he said scooting over to rest his head on Louis lap as he worked.

Louis smoothed the hair out of Harry's face. "I love you baby, you know that?'

"Hmm," Harry hummed, closing his eyes. "Love you too."

They were silent for a minute, as Louis looked down to Harry's long sleeved shirt.

"Harry."

"Hmm."

"Show me your wrists."

Harry guiltily pulled up his sleeves, showing several red scars across his arms.

"Harry, we talked about this. You are supposed to come and get me okay? You can't keep doing this to yourself sweetheart."

"I know. I'm sorry," Harry said quietly. "I'm trying. It was just sitting there and-" He sighed. "I'm sorry, Louis."

"I know, baby. It's okay, really. I know it's hard to resist, but please come and get me next time okay. I love you. I don't want you hurt like this, okay?"

"I know. I'll try." 

Louis sighed shutting his laptop.

"You hungry?"

Harry thinks about it for a minute. He is, but...

"I mean are you hungry, not do you want to eat?"

Harry hesitantly nodded.

"If I order a pizza and a salad will you eat something, please?"

"Fine."

"Thank you, baby."

Louis gently removes Harry's head from his lap, leaning down to kiss his forehead, and then stands up, walking towards the kitchen and standing at the counter as he orders the food. Once he does, he sets plates out at the table and goes to sit on the couch.

A few minutes later Harry wanders in wearing a light grey jumper and a pair of sweat pants. He walks over to the couch and plops down next to Louis, pushing his face into his shoulder.

"I'm tired," he mumbled into Louis' shoulder.

"You'll feel better after you eat. And we can watch a movie after dinner, okay?"

"Mmhm," Harry mumbled.

Thirty minutes later they were on the couch, a half eaten salad on the table before them, a movie playing on the tv, and Harry already asleep, curled up into Louis' side.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Mentions of self harm, thoughts of suicide

Why does he have to be such a people pleaser? It only makes it harder for him, because no one ever likes what he does, so he tries to fix it, but they are never going to like it so why even bother.

But he has to bother, because he wants others to be happy and he puts others before himself. Because that's what a good person does, right?

And because of this stupid need to keep others happy, no one knows. No one knows that he suffers. No one knows that he cuts. Or that he has come so close to jumping. Because he doesn't want to be a burden to anyone. No one needs his stupid problems on top of their own. No one knows but Louis. But he wished Louis didn't know. He didn't want Louis to have to deal with that too. Louis' mom and his sister died. He doesn't need Harry's stupid little problems. He doesn't need to make it worse for him.

So instead he keeps it all inside and every little thing makes it worse and worse. Stone after stone hitting a glass wall, just waiting for it to break and everything it holds to come spilling out.

He is so pathetic. So, so pathetic. He should be able to deal with this. It's nothing compared to what Louis carries. Nothing compared to what other people carry. He is so pathetic. He can't even deal with the little stupid things that even a child could shake off. He wishes he wasn't so pathetic.

Little stupid things that shouldn't affect him, piling up, on top of the stupid self image issues, and the need to make every one happy. He knows stupid things like that shouldn't affect him, but they do. And every thing is just building up and building up and it feels like everything is closing in and it's just all too much.

And all he can do is stand and watch as your world crashes down around him, clinging to the small hope that it doesn't take him with it.

I can't take it anymore.

I can't live this way.

I'm sorry.

But every single time. Every. Single. Little time. He comes back. He comes back home. Because he can't bring himself to jump.

Yet every time he doesn't, it adds on to the mess of everything. It makes everything worse.

And all he does is drop a stone in a jar.

And once the jar is full, he will jump. He has too. Because each stone is an added wait. And by the time it's full, there won't be anything to keep him back. Because it will be too full of stones. Too much to bear. And he will jump.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Thoughts of suicide

Louis lies in bed next to Harry, signing softly and running his had through his hair. He looks down at the sleeping figure, at the peaceful look on his face. 

_Beautiful_

Louis thinks.

He wishes this moment could last forever. He knows Harry hasn't been very happy lately. He has been going to the bridge a lot. And all Louis can do is pray that he doesn't jump. That he will never jump. Because he loves him too much to lose him.

Louis sighs, and slowly pushes him self up, slipping from the bed, and tip toeing in the direction of the living room. He turns on a light, then quickly turns it back off. No doubt he's about thirty times closer to being blind. He waits for the brights spots to clear from his vision, and then walks over to the shelf, taking down the jar of stones Harry keeps there.

He unscrews the lid and, as quietly as possible, tips it until he feels one of the cold stones in his hand. He puts the jar back on the shelf, and steps out onto the front porch, moonlight washing over him. He looks down at the stone in his hand, studying it. They way the moonlight shines on it, seeming to make it sparkle. Then he throws the stone as far as he can.

He used to take out two at a time, but he figured that would be to obvious to Harry. So now he only does one. He knows that Harry is going to jump once the jar is full. He's not dumb. And so he just has to make sure the stones never reach the top of the jar. Ever. Because losing Harry is more than he could bear.

He steps back inside and walks back down the hall slipping back into bed next to Harry. He puts his arm around his waist, and pulling him close. He kisses the back of his head. "I love you" he whispers, even though he knows he can't hear him. 

Losing Harry would be like losing the whole world. 

Losing Harry would be like losing his forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: none

They walk along the shore line of the river. Harry swings their hands between them as they walk.

Louis sits down in the sand, pulling Harry down with him. Harry lands on top of him laughing.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm spending time with my lovely boyfriend," Louis responds.

"Lou," Harry says drawing his name out into two syllables.

"Harry" Louis says mimicking his tone.

Harry gives him a look.

"What?"

"You know what."

Louis looks at him expectantly.

Harry huffs. "I meant, what are we doing on the ground." He was still lying on top of him.

" _I,_ "Louis says, "am sitting to watch the sunset. I don't know what you are doing. You just came with me."

"You were the one who pulled me down."

"Maybe I just sat down and you happened to be holding my hand. No one said my plan was to take you with me. I could have just left you standing up there."

Harry pouted. "You would leave me all alone?"

"I was only joking, don't pout."

Harry took this as an invitation to pout even more.

"Aww, don't pout, love," Louis says, leaning up to kiss it away.

Harry giggled.

"Now you have to get off me so I can see the sunset."

"But you're comfy."

"Okay, then at least put your head down so I can see."

Harry complied, laying his head on Louis' chest, listening to the beating of his heart.

They lay there until the sky was a deep navy blue and little pinpricks of light shone out.

Louis can tell Harry has fallen asleep. "Harry," he says, running a hand through his curls. "It's time to wake up baby."

Harry stirs and sits up. He lets out a yawn and rubs his eyes sleepily. As they stand, Louis smiles as he sees Harry has draw a small heart in the sand and written their initials inside.

His smile drops when he sees Harry bend to pick up a stone and shove it in his pocket. Louis turns away and pretends not to notice, even though he feels like crying. He doesn't want to lose Harry. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Self harm

Harry stares at himself in the mirror. He knows he shouldn't cut. He knows Louis will be upset. But it's so tempting. 

He needs to feel the blade on his arm. Needs to feel the pain.

He screws his eyes shut, and tries to shake the image from his mind. But he can't. 

He wants Louis here, to hold him and distract him.

"Louis," he calls out. There is no answer.

He lets out a shaky breath and slides down to the floor, his back against the wall. He wraps his arms around himself, pulling his knees to his chest.

He finds himself reaching for the cabinet under the sink. He tries to stop himself.

 _Don't do it,_ he tells himself as he's reaching for the blade. _Don't do it._

But he does.

He brings the blade to his skin, drawing a line across his arm. He draws another below it. He makes each cut deeper, leaving 5 bleeding cuts over the scars already there. 

He is about to start on the other arm when the door opens.

"Harry, oh my gosh," Louis breaths. He falls to the ground beside Harry, taking the blade from him and wiping away the tears he didn't know where there.

He grabs a cloth, wetting it under the sink, and carefully begins to wash away the blood.

"Harry," he says, his voice shaking, "Please. You have to stop doing this to yourself. I-" his voice catches. "I don't know what I would do without you." Truth is, he probably wouldn't last very long without him, but he doesn't say that out loud.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: none

Once Harry's arms were cleaned, Louis sat down in front of him pulling him into his arms.

"Harry," he said. "I know- I know what you are doing," he whispered.

"What?" Harry asked.

"With the stones."

He felt Harry tense.

"I just collect them," Harry said.

"No. You don't. You go to the bridge and every time you bring one home. Harry you can't hide it from me. You were going to jump when it was full."

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered.

"Harry, you are my everything. I can't loose you. You are my sunshine and my stars. You are my happiness, my reason to live. I used to tell myself I don't know what I would do if I lost you, but I was really just scared to admit the truth. I couldn't live without you. If I lost you, I..." he leaves the rest unsaid. "Please, Harry, you are everything to me. I love you."

Tears are now streaming down his face. 

"I'm sorry," Harry whispers again. "Come with me," he says suddenly.

"What?"

"To the bridge."

"Harry no! We are not-"

"Just trust me," Harry says, cutting him off.

Slowly, Louis accepts his outstretched hand, and Harry pulls him to his feet. 

Harry walks to the door, grabbing the jar of stones on his way out.

When they reach the bridge, Harry pulls Louis onto a hill near by. He let's out a shaky breath, and screws open the lid.

Louis watches as one by one, Harry drops the stones back into the water. The make a soft splash as they hit the water.

When finally the jar is empty, Louis pulls Harry into his arms. Harry holds him like it's the only thing keeping him alive. 

"Thank you," Louis whispers into Harry's curls. Harry can tell he's trying not to cry again. "I'll help you get through this," he says. "I love you."

"Love you too," Harry whispers back.

Somehow Louis knows everything will be okay.


End file.
